I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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