Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize