I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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