At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize
