i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
