I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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