Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
