Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
