Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
