You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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