Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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