I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
