You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
