just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
