It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize