I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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