he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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