May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize