my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
