I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
