I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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