I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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