OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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