Moan for me like Helen Keller
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
