I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
