For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
