DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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