i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
