I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
