I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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