They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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