I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
