He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
