I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
