i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
