last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize