You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
