was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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