If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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