Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
