I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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