Please, let me fuck your mom
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
