3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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