I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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