My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
