Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
