There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
