It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
