Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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