Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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