Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
