How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
