There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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