He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
