I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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