Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
