So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
