That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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