i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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