At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
