p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i love accidental penises.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
