haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
