Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
