She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
