i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
