Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't want my vagina anymore.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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