I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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