hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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